All of us want love.
How far are we willing to go?
Would you become someone else just to get it?
For some, early on in our lives, the channels of love and approval got fused together. I learned early on that I was “bad” and “a sinner”. So if I just changed what I wanted to do, how I expressed myself, and who I was, THEN I could get love. Many of us seek affirmation, approval, and acceptance as a substitute for love. We can even go as far as to create an inauthentic alter ego, which we think will please another, to get love. How does that happen, and what can we do about it? That’s what I talk about right here in this episode!!
- What’s the life cycle of an approval seeking relationship?
- Meet that person, gosh they are so cool!
- We begin to put the other persons needs and desires before our own. That’s selfless, right?! Yes, being selfless is a good thing! Also that will make the other person happy, right? And then… I will be loved.
- As long as the other person is pleased with and likes us then we are good an OK… right?
- Wrong. There will come a time when we do something they don’t like. It’s inevitable. By this point my worthiness and lovability is completely tied up in their assessment of me, so I try to do everything I can to regain their approval.
- This is a downward spiral.
- My story: I tried sooooo hard to be what he wanted me to be, that I lost myself. I didn’t know what I wanted, nothing made my passionate, I couldn’t even make decisions easily without thinking of what he would want. He withdrew, naturally not attracted to someone who wasn’t expressed or passionate.
- The downward spiral continues for as long as we let it: we try even harder to please, our partners withdrawal becomes even stronger. Crash. Burn.
What can we do about it? Listen in and let’s talk about it!
So Alter Ego… what is it? Well it’s not about ego or ego trip. It’s really about exploring the different personalities and characteristics of who we are, internally. Not just in our interpersonal communications with others, but our intRA-personal communication with the individual persons that really add up to be us, who we are! When we are able to explore for them and express them we create such a rich life of greater happiness, greater contributions to ourself, to our families, to others, to our organizations, to our causes, and missions.
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If you would like to share your Alter Ego with the world, let me know: firstname.lastname@example.org, you may also ask questions and I will answer them live on an episode for you!